a coming home
You know what I miss?
I miss scribbling and collaging, in my notebook, in the corner of a cafe.
I miss taking some of those words and putting them into a blog (is that still a word?), as I started my first one when I was just sixteen.
I miss putting some thoughts out there, just because it feels good to do so.
I miss having no idea of what an algorithm even is or thinking that Instagram was just a camera with some very new filters and, in retrospect, very cringey, filters.
I miss a world without AI or ChatGPT.
I had dinner with a friend of sixteen, maybe more, years a few weeks ago. She was in town from Los Angeles and my son and I drove down from our mountain town to meet her in Denver. She has long since deleted any sort of social media from her phone and since I am the worst at long distance, phone call relationships, we really had no idea what was going on in one another’s lives. Over pasta we moved through so many layers, events and moments and feelings that could never ever be summed up in a few squares or stories on Instagram. And oh my God, it felt so good. I walked away from my time with this friend feeling so nourished and inspired.
I have been in a state of reordering for months now. Not my drawers, my closet or even my calendar but instead a reordering of what’s important to me, what I value. This has meant that my outer life, my social life has been a big quieter, but my inner world richer. Almost sticky like it’s reminding to stay put, to stay with discomfort and “what was” and see what’s on the other side. And honestly, it’s been really beautiful. And as I said above, quite sticky. I’m a human and I had gotten a bit lost. Grief rocked us hard and it has taken quite awhile to find my way back.
What’s been feeling oh-so-good -
The slowest, like turtle slow, and most quiet walks in our neighborhood. There’s a few particular spots where you can stop and see Denver’s little skyline through the trees and I just love the birds eye view of another place I love.
Intentional time with my family. My husband, son and our crazy bulldogs really are my world. Lately we’ve been looking forward to our time at the end of the day when all five of us are curled up on the couch watching a movie. Our son’s favorites as of late - Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, Sandlot, Goonies, Wicked, How to Train Your Dragon and, of course, K-Pop Demon Hunters.
Laying on the ground. I was just telling my Embodied cohort that laying on the ground, particularly on the hardwood floor, midday, and just allowing for a long pause is one of my most supportive and simple somatic practices.
Getting lost in my music on a long drive. While I didn’t love driving when I lived in LA for twelve years (all that starting and stopping really takes a toll on you), I love driving up here in the mountains. I even dropped the top on the Wrangler on a brisk morning and got lost in a playlist, just because.
Finishing my coffee while it’s warm. This is one of my most important practices as I go to bed thinking about my morning coffee. It’s my favorite ritual as I start my day. And since I take my time adding my steamed oat milk, cacao and cinnamon, I want to enjoy it while it’s hot, preferably curled up on the couch in our front room looking out the windows.
Being tethered to the seasons. Moving to a mountaintop five years ago has been a wild experience of the seasons, especially after a decade plus in California. Though winter sometimes gets a little long, I’m leaning into my connection to our seasons and working to honor each one.
I want my people to know, without a single doubt, how deeply I love them and how grateful I am that our lives intertwine the way they do. So I’m choosing to name it, to show it, to live it. I am no longer playing it cool, in any way, in any realm.
And on that note, just feeling into the people who feel like home for me. Some have been my best friends for years upon years and some who are new.
Daydreaming. Just because it feels good.
More to come. It’s good to be home.
