A little more than a year ago we roadtripped to Colorado, having not left our neighborhood for months. We were looking to buy a home but also really needed nature and really needed our friends. We thought at the time, “This is as weird as the world could possibly get.”

I don’t have any answers on the weirdness. The division. The heartbreak. In fact, most days I feel pretty damn hopeless, disappointed and exhausted. But I do know we hiked seven miles that morning, with three kids and only a little bacon and coffee in our bellies. I remember the blue skies and the deep blue water in this alpine lake. I remember making it to the “top” and thinking we were capable of more than I thought. There were burgers and drinks and a lot of laughs afterward and I thought to myself, how normal that used to be and how much more I cherished it when it wasn’t.

No answers here. A whole lot of questions. But eyes and heart are open and I’m learning what it means to do the best I can and redefining what that means almost every day.